4 surprising hacks to help you feel more powerful in a meeting

This customer meeting was pivotal. It would determine whether we would have a chance at winning the biggest account in the industry or not. Messing it up would not only mean missing our targets at a country level for the year, but also make delivering on our strategy nigh on impossible. I felt sick with nerves. I was afraid that when I spoke I’d sound like I my voice was breaking. Actually I was just scared. What if I screwed this up? How was I going to cut through as the only female at the table? Adrenalin was pumping through my system and I could feel my heart thumping in my chest.

Not every meeting has this much riding on it, but the challenge of finding your voice and your power in a meeting is something I hear often. If you’ve ever had feedback that you need more “presence” (whatever that means?), this might be for you. Here are 4 tips that can help you in your every day to feel and act more confident and be perceived to be more powerful …..

1.  Where you sit, influences where you stand

Throughout history, across cultures, there have been complicated rules about where you sit and how this relates to your status. Although generally there aren’t the rules there once were, there are still non-verbal, subconscious cues that we humans use to assess power and status.  Research has found that if you sit at the head of the table you are more likely to be assumed the leader. Sitting at the midpoint on the side means you can see everyone which can also allow you to exert control. Another tip to increase your sense of power is to slightly increase the height of your chair compared to other people. Use the opposite if you feel the other person is threatened by your status.

2.  Build on other people’s points

When I joined a big not for profit board, I was encouraged by the fact I felt I had the floor to make a point and everyone was open to what I had to say. However, I noticed that often the credit for the point that I’d made would be given to one of my male colleagues. It turned out he was using a very clever tactic (unconsciously I’m sure). He would always take what I said and then make it his own. He’d do this by saying things like “building on Claire’s point” or “further to Claire’s excellent point” ….and then he’d say pretty much what I’d just said. I got a bit fed up with this so I decided that I’d try his tactic and lo and behold, it worked! People remember the point as mine. I now use this tactic if I feel like my points are getting buried or someone else is taking credit. Try it in your next meeting!

3.  Power Pose

Prior to an important meeting or speech spend a couple of minutes either standing up with your hands in a “V” above your head or with your hands on your hips and your legs in a V (Wonder Woman pose!). In the meeting sit up straight and actively use open body postures. You’ll feel more powerful and confident and others will perceive the same thing. Check out Amy Cuddy’s research and a 2011 study by Huang et al as examples of a big body of research around body posture and power.  Amy Cuddy’s TED talk is really interesting even though there's been some controversy over whether it changes your body chemistry i.e. releases more testosterone and reduces cortisol). What’s indisputable is that power poses made the participants in the research both feel more powerful and be perceived as being more confident.

4.  Think about a time when you felt powerful

Research suggests that simply thinking about having power can change the way you behave. In a 2013 study* researchers found that participants who'd written about a time they felt powerful were ranked as higher-status, more influential, and more leader-like by their colleagues. So before you go into that important meeting, performance review or speech, think about a time when you felt powerful and you’ll feel the impact ….and so will those watching you!

* Also correlates with the following research papers: Galinsky et al., 2003; Guinote, 2007; Smith & Trope, 2006

5 Tips to Be More Strategic About Your Career

It’s interesting to me how paradoxical it sounds when people say they’re frustrated with their career progress, yet when pressed, they admit they’ve spent little time actually deeply thinking or doing anything about it.

I know, it’s hard. Often overwhelming.

It takes courage to imagine where you want to go, to examine your strengths and weaknesses and to push yourself to places and people that feel uncomfortable.

It also takes energy. Energy to have enough self control to make the time; to do the thinking; to build a plan and then to action it.

The sheer number of options we have today is overwhelming in itself. There are all those life decisions to consider….not to mention the knock-on effects to others that make career planning really quite tricky.

The thing is, if you’re feeling frustrated and you don’t start doing something differently, you’ll probably continue to be frustrated (unless you find your inner buddha somewhere).

Life is too short, in our opinion, to be frustrated …...

So here are five tips to help you get more strategic with your career …..

1.  Force yourself to put some time aside

I know, easy enough for me to say.

But really, you have to force yourself.

Block it out in your calendar.

Tell people you’re not available.

Turn technology off.

Go somewhere quiet.

Do it on a Sunday if it’s easier ….

Do it with a friend if you need accountability …..but as Nike would say, just do it….as often as you can.

2.  Start with your goals

““If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll wind up someplace else” ”

— Yogi Berri

OK Claire - I’m here ….what do I think about ....?  Start with your goals. 

I know this can feel a bit overwhelming, particularly when someone asks you where you see yourself in five years time. So here are a few questions to help you start …....

• What would success look like in 0.5/1/3/5/10 years time (whatever time frame feels right)? How will I know I’ve been successful?

• If I could do anything in my wildest dreams, what would it be?

• What really matters to me?

• What strengths can I build on?

• What values do I hold dear?

• Where do I get my energy?

• At this stage in my life, what’s important to me?

• What are my non-negotiables?

• What different paths could I take to end up where I’d like to be in 0.5/1/3/5/10 years time? Get creative here. Think outside the box.

• What skills do I need?

• How could I start?

• Who could I speak to?

This should keep you busy thinking for a while.

3.   Seek advice and help

Talk to people. It really helps. Honest.

Seek out role models and people you admire. Research how they got to where they are. When you’ve done a decent amount of thinking, ask them some curious questions.

Make it easy and pleasurable for people to share their knowledge with you and you’ll hardly ever find anyone knocks you back.

Ask your colleagues, managers, ex bosses, friends ….build your very own Virtual Personal Advisory Board (future blog coming on this).  

Even ask your peers ….Sheryl Sandberg, the COO for Facebook, tells a story about how she would never have taken a job at Google if she hadn’t listened to her peers. They understood the tech environment much more than her seniors and mentors, and so they understood the potential of the opportunity.

I’ve got a big caveat for you here though: this doesn’t mean you outsource thinking about what you want to do next to someone else. This is your life and your work.

By all means take inputs from others, talk it through, ask them what they think you’re good at, ask for introductions and connections, etc, but DO NOT outsource the thinking and the decisions about your life. This will lead back to frustration. Believe me.

Think about working with a coach.

I would say that. I’m a coach.

But honestly, good coaches are worth their weight in gold. They can help you speed up your processing, challenge your thinking and provide you with structure and accountability.

4.  Get clear on your smallest next steps

When you take action, even the smallest action, you build forward momentum and confidence.

Just start doing something ...write something, speak to someone, apply for a role, find the simplest way to try what you’re thinking, enrol in a course, do a project, join a network.

Make it small and keep yourself accountable (maybe find an accountability buddy). Then do it all over again.

5.  Talk about where you want to go

I’ve always used this tactic of telling people what I'd like to do next or where I'd like to go, and I’m pretty sure it’s been one of the secrets of my success.

Basically I use this personally for a couple of reasons:

1. When I say something out loud I can try it on for size. This allows me to work out whether I really do want to do this/go there, etc

2. By saying it repeatedly, I start to believe that I can do it

3. By saying it to people I respect, I force myself to actually do it because I don’t want to look like a loser.

The other reason for doing this is that once people know where you want to go, they can help.

So what are you waiting for ….don’t leave that frustration unexplored. Create thinking time and go find your full potential!

Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

Could you be Holding Yourself Back?

Sometimes we don't even realise we are holding ourselves back from what we are truly capable of. It can sneak up on you particularly if you've not been sleeping well, had some setbacks or feeling under a lot of pressure. The trouble is, if we let our personal narrative undermine us and our future potential, it can become habit forming if we leave it unchecked. 

Why not check in now and answer these questions below to see if you are potentially holding yourself back from progressing at work or in other areas of your life. . .

·       Are a majority of your decisions influenced by what others may think of your choice?

·       You would love to do or try something specific and whilst others say you could do this easily, you don’t feel ready yet?

·       Is your inner critic frequently (at least once a week) negative about your abilities and potential?

·       Do you compare yourself (unfavourably) to others often?

·       Do you wish you had the courage to try something that you perceive in others?

·       Are you frustrated that you are not doing more or achieving more?

·       Can you think of at least 2 occasions in the past year where you (now) regret not trying something or taking up an opportunity?

Did you answer "Yes" three or more times?

If you did, then there’s a good chance you ARE holding yourself back from certain opportunities or activities that mean something to you.

We all do this from time to time.  Fear, anxiety or simple shyness can make every one of us stop and decide not to take that step into the unknown or into something we haven’t done before . . . even when it’s something we want to do or wish we could do!

At work, these may include promotion opportunities, speaking and presenting opportunities, taking on a new responsibility, or even, for example, having a difficult conversation with someone.

The problem comes when we make a habit of shying away from opportunities and certain activities.

Do this too often and you get stuck in a rut. Some people call this a comfort zone but really it’s much more accurate to call it a ‘comfort rut’.

It is perfectly NORMAL and RIGHT not to feel confident or comfortable about trying something new. The way our brains are wired means it’s almost impossible to try something new and NOT feel some kind of anxiety or like an imposter, even if we are perfectly qualified and prepared to take that action.

This quote from Nelson Mandela sums it all up:

“Courage is not the absence of fear it is the triumph over it.”

Taking action whilst feeling discomfort is exactly how we grow, achieve and learn.

The key is to take small steps and get used to feeling a little uncomfortable. This is the normal way and experience towards achieving your goals, whatever they may.

If you'd like to learn tools and tips to help you achieve more and if you're in London on Sept 14th 2017, check out our highly rated, impactful women's programme, Realise - What the Most Successful Women Think & Do.

Photo credit:  Yair Hazout, Unsplash.com